Art in Progress: Potrait of a Young Man

As I mentioned before, I am a budding artist. My mediums are pencil and acrylics. Here is a potrait of a young man that I am doing. Its in progress, and quite difficult. Pencil work is a lot tougher than I originally thought. Right now, his mouth is giving me unknown amounts of hell. For right now, I like best his eyes. I think that is the most important facial feature. It is how we connect with people, where trust can be seen and felt. Tell me what like about the potrait so far. Your comments are more than welcome.

When I am finished, I will post the final product. Hopefully, you can compare the two. People rarely get to see art in progress. In fact, I think I will post what I achieve every so often.

Inspired Trini

p.s. I do not look like that.

Quiet The Storm

I need someone to quiet my storm
to remove the clouds that are heavy and foreboding
do you understand me?
you see me as any other person
but in my mind
there is a torrent of ideas, hopes and fears
all with distinct voices
all begging to be heard
I hear them so loud
that only in my sleep is there silence
and when I awake
immediately, there is the clap of thunder
I need someone to quiet my storm
Can you?
I need to removes the fears
and the let the hopes and the ideas
talk to one another
I need you to distract the fears
with some love and attention
they can be quieted
can you help me?

Life Has Opened Its Doors

Life has opened up its doors and let me in,
It now tells me secrets,
that were often told but rarely heard.
And when it whispers them to me,
it is the loudest thing I hear,
because it only speaks truth.
So my eyes open wide,
and a smile spreads on my face,
like ripples in a pond,
infinite and everlasting.
For I have just heard a most amazing story,
a whirlwind tale about how life can be enjoyed,
how it can me made to be happy.
So with that I see everything in color,
No more dark spaces or muted tones,
Fear and doubt had run away,
scared of me.
And now confidence and belief,
course through my veins like a river gone mad.
I, now, flex muscles that I have never used,
not physically but emotionally,
not sparingly but generously.
And I have gained so much,
friends and lovers,
opportunity and success.
And lost so little but some pain,
and regret,
So today is my today,
Now is my time.
Watch and have faith,
As I become,
what I should have always been,
a great and good man.

Going Offshore: Part I

I have some friends that work in the oilfield. I ask them what is it like to work offshore. Their response is often,"it's interesting". As I learnt more, I found their stories compelling. The narrative of their experience goes something like this.......

The cell phone rings annoyingly and impatiently. I look at the number to see who it is. The area code is 225: Baton Rouge, not my area code. I know who is calling and why. I let the phone ring some more. I have to put myself in the frame of mind just to take the call. In my heart of hearts, I do not want to talk. I answer anyhow, "hello". Try not to sound unwilling and disappointed I tell myself. It is one of my supervisors calling. It is time to go offshore again.

"What's up Alex?" my supervisor asks cheerfully. It is only a put-on, he knows no one really wants to hear from him. It's like your dentist calling you to offer a free root canal.

I answer,"nothing", matter-of-factly. I want him to get to the point quickly. Give me the bad news.

"Are you ready to go offshore?" he asks absurdly, almost apologetic. I do not know why they always ask like that, as if we really have a choice. In the back of my mind, I say, "if I don't go, will you still pay me?" or "no, I am herding sheep. I cannot leave them unattended". I have never touched a sheep in my life. All impulses in my body tells me to say no. They never win.

"Yes", I reply obligingly. I have bills to pay and a family to take care of. After thinking that, I respond to my supervisor more commandingly, and with conviction. Responsibility is a hell of a thing. It straightens your spine, and compels you to act.

I ask the when and where as if it is military mission. I need to know what time I need to be there, which dock or heliport I am going to, if I am going with anyone, and what is the phone number to the rig. Give me the details and less apologies. The supervisor sometimes makes it seem that you are the only engineer he could count on. If I wanted my ego stroked, they would give me a raise. The supervisor exits quickly once he knows I am committed. You have accepted a root canal but at least you are getting paid for it.

I think about my wife, I have to tell her immediately. Sometimes, she is next to me when I get the call but today I am in the mall and she is at home. I call home to tell her. This is often a strange moment between husbands, who work offshore, and wives, who stay at home. If you love your wife, it is not great news you are going offshore. You know you have to go because you have responsibilities. However, if you and your wife are fighting like cats and dogs, it's great news. You might have been begging for that supervisor to call. In fact, you have been calling him everyday begging for that root canal. It is either a root canal offshore or an annoying toothache at home. The root canal wins every time.

I do not have an annoying toothache. I tell my wife I have to go in a few days. She responds with no enthusiasm. She has gotten use to this. I met her working offshore. She says it is good thing my bag is packed already. My wife makes me repack my bag as soon as I come back from a job. I am always ready to go but grudgingly so.

She kindly says,"I'll miss you." I think I have not left yet, but to hear that brings some comfort. I chit chat some more before getting off the phone with her. I push the fact I have to go offshore out off mind, and continue shopping in the mall.

A few days pass. I will be leaving my house at 2 am the next morning to be at the heliport for 6. I have a 4 hour drive, I hate it. I have been to this heliport before so I do not need to worry about directions. It is all the way in Venice, LA, 'the end of the earth', I call it. There is nothing there. Hurricane Katrina made sure of that.

The evening before I go, we rent some movies to watch at home. I need something to relax me. I am a little tense and anxious. I get like that before I go offshore even though I have been doing this for some years now. The company of my wife and the movie helps but does not alleviate. I keep thinking, is there anything I need to do before I go? There is always something! I just cannot think of it. Or, am I trying to find a reason not to go? Ah, ha! I need to write the check for the mortgage. I cannot forget that. I tell my wife. Why did I do that?! She looks at me bemused and disapprovingly. Her eyes say, "where are we going to live, if you don't pay the mortgage?". I answer with my eyes, "not with your mother!" I leave the movie without pausing, it was not that good anyway. Running upstairs to the computer, I curse myself, how I could forget that of all things. Oh, well! I let it go.

I do not know why but everything gets thrown off track, once I hear I am going to work. It is like my reality gets fractured. Half of my mind is already seeing the greyness of rig. The other half is firmly planted in the present, at home, with the familiar. Such a discord does not lend itself well to level concentration and attentiveness.

I write the check for the mortgage. Oh yeah, I see why I go offshore. Mortgage companies are blood sucking leeches! I make sure the rest of the bills are taken cared of, they are. I do not want anymore pointed looks. I make sure there is enough money in the till for my wife, there is. She does not work.

I call family and friends to let them know I am leaving to go offshore. They often ask how I keep doing it. I tell them I do not know, by the grace of God maybe. I hate answering that question: how I keep doing it? I do not even have good answer for myself. I am sure there are other things I could do, like be a teacher, do my masters in management, maybe even become a writer. Then I think, it's the money. I know it's the money!

By this time, it is about 8 at night. I need to get some rest before I go. I have a long drive. My wife is also insisting I get some rest. Only after the ninth time of telling me this, I listen. I am going to miss my king size bed. Its immensity is inviting. I take refuge in it next to my wife. They give grown men twin size beds to sleep on offshore, its a contradiction that never wears thin. I, therefore, treasure my last night at home. I look to my wife for some attention. Sometimes, I get it. Sometimes, I don't. Most times, I do. In my bed, I think with weak resolve I am going offshore tomorrow. I accept my faith and let myself fall sleep.

In couple of hours, I will wake up and think, "shit! I am going offshore!"

Collection of Sayings

Eat as if at a restaurant because good manners should be observed everywhere.

Only I can measure myself, I am not as tall as I want to be, but I am not as short as I was yesterday.

An opportunity is a rare thing, while fragile and easily lost, it can be worth its weight in gold when acquired and nurtured.

An artist's skill is not in his hands but in his imagination.

To take criticism well, you should have an open mind, still tongue and polite manner. Most of all, you should have an absolute belief in yourself.

Focus is giving your mind the mental space to do what is most important, quite necessary and dearly needed.

Doors are best open for friends and loved ones, and shut tight for salesman, Mormons and other opportunistic strangers.

Perfection is the goal of the insane while reasonable success brings comfort to the rational.

Success is the measure of your plans and dreams against your actions and deeds.

Bad habits are just that, they inhibit potential, waste energy and embody ugliness.

Let what you say motivate, create untiy, and engender passion and compassion

My Introduction

I was born in Trinidad and Tobago, the beautiful twin islands of the southern Caribbean. Officially, we are Trinidadians, but affectionately we are called 'Trinis'. If you have never seen, or met, a Trini, I can give you a fair description. First of all, he or she is very attractive, and can be of any race, Caucasian, Chinese, Indian and African, and then everything in between. It is like that in my country, of only 1 million people, because we are just like America, a history of immigrant peoples and of a native regression. It is a mix of European plantation owners, African slaves, indentured servants from India and China, craftsman and shopkeepers from Syria and Lebanon, and lastly the indigenous peoples: the Caribs and Arawaks. While our history may have begun from a divergence, what we are now is a convergence of cultures.

The official language is English but our tongue tells another story. Our voice is the patchwork of different cultures where English is the core but not all of the details. We have that almost proper British accent because Trinidad and Tobago was once a former colony of the empire. But, we most often speak with a laid back, smooth island lilt, which has become familiar to every tourist that has ever visited the English Caribbean. Our dialect has a rich detail to it because we have incorporated French, Spanish, African and East Indian words into it to make it unique and idyllic. Our English patois gives us more pride than anything else, for us, it is a better passport than the one we show at the airport.

Oddly enough, I did have to show my passport at the airport when I went to Philadelphia to attend university. I was only 18 at the time and what a culture shock. I had visited the US before but only under the protective wings of my parents, now I was on my own. I did a super-duper degree, it took me 5 years to get a BS in Mechanical Engineering. Along the way, I learnt a lot about myself( like I had other interests besides Mechanical Engineering....parties, poetry, politics, women). The diversity at this university was a big plus for I became a citizen of the world. Meeting people from different countries and walks of life changed my perspective. Instead of naively thinking that Trinidad was the world, Trinidad became part of it, and I was quite content to proclaim my heritage among the rest. Now with reckless abandon, I was ready to take on the world, after graduating I moved to the south. Louisiana would be become my home and where I started my professional career as an engineer.

It is here in Louisiana that I have really matured as an adult, and have come to find myself. It is where I have recognized my talents and skills, and have made a commitment to hone them. I am a budding artist, poet and short story writer, and soon I will try my hand at sculpting. This blog is great opportunity for me to write and show my work. What I need most as an artist is review and criticism. I lack that right now. Sometimes, I see my work through rose-colored lenses, and then after a while, self-criticism wreaks havoc on my belief. I think some well intentioned and honest criticism can help steward my talent.

While art is my passion; politics, reading and movies are my joys. This year is big for Democrats, too big. Whoever wins the Democrat nomination can and will be able to marshal the democrat and liberal forces for November. The Republicans should be afraid, very afraid. I will from time to time put my 2 cents in about the politics. It is high drama and I am always intrigued. I am also interested in the politics of my own home. Sadly, Trinidad politics has a very shameful component to it and that is race. It is an ugly contest between two ethnic groups for political power. I will go into details about that another time.

I did not always like to read. I can remember my parents putting a book in my hand and sitting me in a corner. I can tell you, it is very hard to read while angry with your parents, but I did it anyhow. In the end, I learned to love reading. The books I have read are varied in theme. I read both fiction and non-fiction so from time to time I will write a review of a book I have read. I am also addicted to movies, expect reviews of what is showing. I watch everything except horror. While I am not afraid of real life, watching the most macabre and disturbing thoughts of others on the silver screen is not my cup of green tea.

This is my first blog, and I hope it was interesting. I want to thank a friend for introducing to this site. Read well. Enjoy. And expect more!

The Inspired Trini